I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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