I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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