He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
