Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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