I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
