We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize