I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
