I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
