I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
