I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
