oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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