Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
