Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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