her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
