Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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