I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
