so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
