nut hugger
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
