Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I will be naked everywhere
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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