So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
