I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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