DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
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