how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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