Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
