fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
