I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
