In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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