I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
