dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
