she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
