Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
