He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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