I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
