i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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