Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
