I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
