these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
