her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
