U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She bit a glass in half.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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