Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
