She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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