I only kidnapped one of them. chill
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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