you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
