I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
