yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
