When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
