Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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