Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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