We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just had sex bonerless
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
this boner is exhausting
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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