Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
