im holly from the hills drunk
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
