am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
