I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
