it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Pooping to opera.
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